Back as a kid, I used to make this sandwich with peanut butter, jelly, ketchup, mustard and mayonnaise. It tasted more disgusting than it sounds. I
naively thought that putting two good things together, like peanut butter and ketchup, will make something better. Of course, that’s not necessarily true, but
it doesn’t stop Hollywood studios from combining movies with games to make
movie games.
Seriously! Movie games are terrible! They’re cash cows meant
to sucker people out of money because the name of a blockbuster hit is on the
box. What makes movies poor choices for games is that there
clearly is no thought in their development. With frustrating controls
and terrible game design, movie games are quickly rushed to coincide
with a movie's release. If you thought I couldn’t get any stupider than making a peanut butter and
ketchup sandwich, you're wrong. I own Rugrats in
Paris for the N64.
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| Ooey Gooey World will forever haunt me |
The worst offender of this Hollywood scheme was the Cat in
the Hat, based on the 2003 film with Mike Myers. For some odd reason, I
enjoyed this bad movie when it came out. So, like any good mother, mine thought
that since I liked video games and I liked this movie, a video game based on
the Cat in the Hat movie would be the perfect Christmas gift. Her heart was in
the right place, but she couldn’t be further from the truth.
Gameplay: mind-numbingly dumb.
Voice overs: horrendous.
Guy
in the purple suit: on the thing of things I hate the most in the universe up there with
Hitler and rude passengers on airplanes.
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| Twas a glorious day when I finally went to Gamestop and sold it for $2. Sorry mom. |
You’d think with age comes wisdom, but that clearly wasn’t
the case with me. How else can you explain Speed Racer: The Videogame in my
collection? That’s what you get when the main
incentive to buy this game is an expired movie ticket voucher. And even that’s
a rip-off! It was $10 to see the movie yet they only reimburse you for $7.50!
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| Can't decide whether the movie or game was worse |
It works the other way around too. Games made into movies are equally bad. Go ahead, flame me all you want, but the Super Mario Bros movie should have never existed. The main actors have said in many interviews this was the worst movie they ever did and had to get drunk on set to get through filming. Yeah, that’s pretty bad. The problem with most games that become movies are that they take too much liberty from the source material and continually drag on the plot with unnecessary additions. I personally don't like video game movies because they take out the original interactive component of the game's universe.
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| May you rest in peace Bob Hoskins |
But alas, like a rose growing in the tundra, there are some
movie games that break the mold and are actually good. Goldeneye, Spider-Man 2,
and Aladdin are all great games that I sadly don’t own.
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| Don't cry for me, I'm already dead |
If you find a movie game, don't walk, run away! Don’t fall into the trap. That great blockbuster in theaters won't bring the same joy when you pop it in to
your PlayStation. Don’t buy into the
temptation, or you’ll find yourself waking up at 3 a.m. wondering why you own Tigger's Honey Hunt on the N64.
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| Don't ask... |
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